““Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.””
- J.R.R. Tolkien
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Crapulence
crap·u·lence (krpy-lns) Pronunciation Key n.
1. Sickness caused by excessive eating or drinking.
2. Excessive indulgence; intemperance. crap‧u‧lent
[Origin: 1650–60]
Where i heard it: I've no idea. But it's appropriate for RIGHT NOW. I am crapulence incarnate, yet again.
crap·u·lence (krpy-lns) Pronunciation Key n.
1. Sickness caused by excessive eating or drinking.
2. Excessive indulgence; intemperance. crap‧u‧lent
[Origin: 1650–60]
Where i heard it: I've no idea. But it's appropriate for RIGHT NOW. I am crapulence incarnate, yet again.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Instituting a Word-Of-The-Day Feature
Ok, so because I'm a fat wordnerd, I'm going to include a daily vocabulary expander in my posts (that way also cajoling myself to keep my blogging poise). I will tell you where I heard/saw it and try and put it in a sentence... (basically I will CTL-C/V dictionary.reference.com)
Today's word: Tommyknockers...
Heard it: from the head-vaults whilst in the shower today
Meaning: Spirits that would accompany miners whilst at work. They'd pilfer your lunchbox, but'd also 'knock' to give warning of an imminent cave-in... A pretty interesting read: http://www.legendsofamerica.com/GH-Tommyknockers.html
Today's word: Tommyknockers...
Heard it: from the head-vaults whilst in the shower today
Meaning: Spirits that would accompany miners whilst at work. They'd pilfer your lunchbox, but'd also 'knock' to give warning of an imminent cave-in... A pretty interesting read: http://www.legendsofamerica.com/GH-Tommyknockers.html
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Thank You Laura for Helping Me Snort Bits of Apple Through My Nose
My friend Laura has an uncanny knack of digging up mad newspaper articles.. here's a transcription of an email regarding Silvio...
'Alot of this made me laugh out loud and then cringe.... nothing short of amazing from: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3041288.stm?ls---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In quotes: Berlusconi in his own words The outgoing Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, is well known for his blunt language - a tendency to make what one of his predecessors, Massimo D'Alema, described as "planetary gaffes".
Here is a selection of Berlusconi clangers:
At a rally during the 2006 election campaign:
"Read The Black Book of Communism and you will discover that in the China of Mao, they did not eat children, but had them boiled to fertilise the fields."
On left-wing voters at a conference of retailers during the 2006 campaign:
"I trust the intelligence of the Italian people too much to think that there are so many pricks around who would vote against their own best interests."
At the launch of the 2006 campaign:
"I am the Jesus Christ of politics. I am a patient victim, I put up with everyone, I sacrifice myself for everyone."
Promising to put family values at the centre of his campaign:
"I will try to meet your expectations, and I promise from now on, two-and-a-half months of absolute sexual abstinence, until [election day on] 9 April."
To German MEP Martin Schulz, at start of Italy's EU presidency in July 2003:
"I know that in Italy there is a man producing a film on Nazi concentration camps - I shall put you forward for the role of Kapo (guard chosen from among the prisoners) - you would be perfect."
During the controversy raging over the above remark:
"I'll try to soften it and become boring, maybe even very boring, but I am not sure I will be able to do it."
To a German newspaper:
"In Italy I am almost seen as German for my workaholism. Also I am from Milan, the city where people work the hardest. Work, work, work - I am almost German."
At the Brussels summit, at the end of Italy's EU presidency, in December 2003:
"Let's talk about football and women." (Turning to four-times-married German Chancellor, Gerhard Schroeder.) "Gerhard, why don't you start?"
On Italian secretaries (comments made at the New York stock exchange):
"Italy is now a great country to invest in... today we have fewer communists and those who are still there deny having been one. Another reason to invest in Italy is that we have beautiful secretaries... superb girls."
On Mussolini:
"Mussolini never killed anyone. Mussolini used to send people on vacation in internal exile."
In the wake of 11 September:
"We must be aware of the superiority of our civilisation, a system that has guaranteed well-being, respect for human rights and - in contrast with Islamic countries - respect for religious and political rights, a system that has as its value understanding of diversity and tolerance...
"The West will continue to conquer peoples, even if it means a confrontation with another civilisation, Islam, firmly entrenched where it was 1,400 years ago."
His response to worldwide condemnation of the above speech:
"They have tried to hang me on an isolated word, taken out of context from my whole speech."
"I did not say anything against the Islamic civilisation... It's the work of some people in the Italian leftist press who wanted to tarnish my image and destroy my long-standing relations with Arabs and Muslims."
On Italian justice:
"Eighty-five per cent of the Italian press is left-wing and among the judges it is even worse... There is a cancer in Italy that we have to treat: the politicisation of the magistracy."
On judges pursuing former Prime Minister Giulio Andreotti on charges relating to the Mafia:
"Those judges are doubly mad! In the first place, because they are politically mad, and in the second place because they are mad anyway.
"If they do that job it is because they are anthropologically different from the rest of the human race."
On his trial, now suspended, in which he denies charges of bribing judges to prevent the sale of a state-owned food company to a rival:
"I believed and still believe that citizen Berlusconi should be praised for having prevented the state's wealth from being looted... I was expecting a Gold Medal for Civil Worthiness for ensuring the state earned 2,000bn [lire]."
On himself:
"The best political leader in Europe and in the world."
"There is no-one on the world stage who can compete with me."
"Out of love for Italy, I felt I had to save it from the left."
"The right man in the right job."
"I don't need to go into office for the power. I have houses all over the world, stupendous boats... beautiful airplanes, a beautiful wife, a beautiful family... I am making a sacrifice."
A joke about Aids told by Mr Berlusconi:
"An Aids patient asks his doctor whether the sand treatment prescribed him will do any good. 'No', the doctor replies, 'but you will get accustomed to living under the earth'."
His response to critics who said the joke was offensive:
"They have lost their minds; they really have come to the end of the line, indeed they have gone beyond it. I would advise them, too, to undergo sand treatment..."
On his alleged conflict of interest as prime minister and one of Italy's biggest tycoons, with major media holdings:
"If I, taking care of everyone's interests, also take care of my own, you can't talk about a conflict of interest."
On a proposal to base an EU food standards agency in Finland, rather than the Italian city of Parma:
"Parma is synonymous with good cuisine. The Finns don't even know what prosciutto is. I cannot accept this."
On history:
"The founders of Rome were Romulus and Remulus ..." '
'Alot of this made me laugh out loud and then cringe.... nothing short of amazing from: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3041288.stm?ls---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In quotes: Berlusconi in his own words The outgoing Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, is well known for his blunt language - a tendency to make what one of his predecessors, Massimo D'Alema, described as "planetary gaffes".
Here is a selection of Berlusconi clangers:
At a rally during the 2006 election campaign:
"Read The Black Book of Communism and you will discover that in the China of Mao, they did not eat children, but had them boiled to fertilise the fields."
On left-wing voters at a conference of retailers during the 2006 campaign:
"I trust the intelligence of the Italian people too much to think that there are so many pricks around who would vote against their own best interests."
At the launch of the 2006 campaign:
"I am the Jesus Christ of politics. I am a patient victim, I put up with everyone, I sacrifice myself for everyone."
Promising to put family values at the centre of his campaign:
"I will try to meet your expectations, and I promise from now on, two-and-a-half months of absolute sexual abstinence, until [election day on] 9 April."
To German MEP Martin Schulz, at start of Italy's EU presidency in July 2003:
"I know that in Italy there is a man producing a film on Nazi concentration camps - I shall put you forward for the role of Kapo (guard chosen from among the prisoners) - you would be perfect."
During the controversy raging over the above remark:
"I'll try to soften it and become boring, maybe even very boring, but I am not sure I will be able to do it."
To a German newspaper:
"In Italy I am almost seen as German for my workaholism. Also I am from Milan, the city where people work the hardest. Work, work, work - I am almost German."
At the Brussels summit, at the end of Italy's EU presidency, in December 2003:
"Let's talk about football and women." (Turning to four-times-married German Chancellor, Gerhard Schroeder.) "Gerhard, why don't you start?"
On Italian secretaries (comments made at the New York stock exchange):
"Italy is now a great country to invest in... today we have fewer communists and those who are still there deny having been one. Another reason to invest in Italy is that we have beautiful secretaries... superb girls."
On Mussolini:
"Mussolini never killed anyone. Mussolini used to send people on vacation in internal exile."
In the wake of 11 September:
"We must be aware of the superiority of our civilisation, a system that has guaranteed well-being, respect for human rights and - in contrast with Islamic countries - respect for religious and political rights, a system that has as its value understanding of diversity and tolerance...
"The West will continue to conquer peoples, even if it means a confrontation with another civilisation, Islam, firmly entrenched where it was 1,400 years ago."
His response to worldwide condemnation of the above speech:
"They have tried to hang me on an isolated word, taken out of context from my whole speech."
"I did not say anything against the Islamic civilisation... It's the work of some people in the Italian leftist press who wanted to tarnish my image and destroy my long-standing relations with Arabs and Muslims."
On Italian justice:
"Eighty-five per cent of the Italian press is left-wing and among the judges it is even worse... There is a cancer in Italy that we have to treat: the politicisation of the magistracy."
On judges pursuing former Prime Minister Giulio Andreotti on charges relating to the Mafia:
"Those judges are doubly mad! In the first place, because they are politically mad, and in the second place because they are mad anyway.
"If they do that job it is because they are anthropologically different from the rest of the human race."
On his trial, now suspended, in which he denies charges of bribing judges to prevent the sale of a state-owned food company to a rival:
"I believed and still believe that citizen Berlusconi should be praised for having prevented the state's wealth from being looted... I was expecting a Gold Medal for Civil Worthiness for ensuring the state earned 2,000bn [lire]."
On himself:
"The best political leader in Europe and in the world."
"There is no-one on the world stage who can compete with me."
"Out of love for Italy, I felt I had to save it from the left."
"The right man in the right job."
"I don't need to go into office for the power. I have houses all over the world, stupendous boats... beautiful airplanes, a beautiful wife, a beautiful family... I am making a sacrifice."
A joke about Aids told by Mr Berlusconi:
"An Aids patient asks his doctor whether the sand treatment prescribed him will do any good. 'No', the doctor replies, 'but you will get accustomed to living under the earth'."
His response to critics who said the joke was offensive:
"They have lost their minds; they really have come to the end of the line, indeed they have gone beyond it. I would advise them, too, to undergo sand treatment..."
On his alleged conflict of interest as prime minister and one of Italy's biggest tycoons, with major media holdings:
"If I, taking care of everyone's interests, also take care of my own, you can't talk about a conflict of interest."
On a proposal to base an EU food standards agency in Finland, rather than the Italian city of Parma:
"Parma is synonymous with good cuisine. The Finns don't even know what prosciutto is. I cannot accept this."
On history:
"The founders of Rome were Romulus and Remulus ..." '
Dracula fangs you very much for the meal
Plucked up, I raided PI again. Leona says she doesn't handle the old men as tenderly anymore, and wants to buy a spritzer full of deodorant so she can hit their scent-glands when they next reach for banana bread. I'm curious as to how the Axe-effect'll pan out in here. I asked about Skeletor, a strange creature who used to live here and visibly smelled. Leona said he'd been asked to leave, as he had a $300 unpaid coffee tab. He was last seen with a pony-tail ducking into a manhole down on Des Pins. That's actually not true -except for the pony-tail bit- as he never visits his family. No way. Someone really did just spritz the place with deodorant. Vanilla? Pretty far from appropriate... leaving us with the similar experience of having the pot-pourri mingle with the shit smell, instead of eliminating it.
Position open: PI pet. Must have at least 30 pounds of healthy body fat affordable to sweat into tense, highly-confined atmosphere. Skeletors need not apply.
Position open: PI pet. Must have at least 30 pounds of healthy body fat affordable to sweat into tense, highly-confined atmosphere. Skeletors need not apply.
Monday, August 28, 2006
"the word 'planet' comes from the Greek word for 'wanderer'"
i've been told before that i'm a good listener, but sometimes i wonder if it isn't just that other people talk more than me. everytime i seem to speak, i feel toxic or apparently lose my voice amidst conceit. a girl i don't know just approached me and said to be wary of the energy i pick up, that there's something wide-eyed about me, placed her hand on my forehead and told me that i have a cleansing energy. that i cleaned the places i sat in. i said i was strong, and not to worry for me as i made a hearty attempt to spit out what i couldn't handle. she said it was because i was like stone.
i'm not sure if i know what she meant, but to be affected by a total stranger was very pleasant and much-needed. but i do wish i rolled occasionally.
i'm not sure if i know what she meant, but to be affected by a total stranger was very pleasant and much-needed. but i do wish i rolled occasionally.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Glass Planets
I don't know where we were in time, but if it were a Sunday and he were home, I'd join my Dad in the livingroom to listen to music. We'd read or play chess and I'd pinch sips from his whisky. If winter kept us, there'd be a fire. I remember one time, while reading The House With The Clock In Its Walls by John Bellairs, he put on Glassworks, by Philip Glass. It shook me. I'd never heard anything like it in my life. I'd always known I'd liked cyclical rhythm (I'd tried to throw a 'techno' dance party one year for my 9th birthday in England using Jon & Vangelis, it got booed off by my fat Greek friend Kerry: afterall, it wasn't MJ), but this was altogether something else entirely. I begged for more.. and so Dad dropped the Powaqqatsi bomb on me. The opener, Serra Pelada, immediately told me: this is the sound of marching orphans. Brass explosions, space-horns, child-choirs, worryingly brooding strings, mad percussion, eery samples from all over the globe: it's all here. Philip Glass, Powaqqatsi. Changed my life.
ps. another composer who really impressed me and John Williams is Gustav Holst. I remember one day in Canada my Dad being so excited to listen to the new The Planets he'd just picked up (I think by Andre Previn). You'll likely have heard Mars - The Bringer of War and Jupiter - The Bringer of Jollity has been butchered and repackaged into commercial snippets. My favourite is Saturn, that one rings. Use headphones or balanced speakers with bulldozers for subwoofers.
ps. another composer who really impressed me and John Williams is Gustav Holst. I remember one day in Canada my Dad being so excited to listen to the new The Planets he'd just picked up (I think by Andre Previn). You'll likely have heard Mars - The Bringer of War and Jupiter - The Bringer of Jollity has been butchered and repackaged into commercial snippets. My favourite is Saturn, that one rings. Use headphones or balanced speakers with bulldozers for subwoofers.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
found this email thread too funny
Thomas C
to jesse j
More options
Aug 16
hihi, your frankenbrother wanted me to send you a quickie to help you get onto gmail. however, i think you might need a gmail account to be able to do that (like you need a hotmail account for msn).. hope that clears some of the problem up?
er, how are you?
tom
jesse j
to me
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Aug 17 (7 days ago)
Hi Tom, I don't think your e-mail made any sense at all. I am sitting here re-reading it and I think the more I read it the less sense it makes. However do to my supreme intelligence and intuition I think I have decided that I need a "gmail account" to get onto "gmail". Just like one would need a "hotmail account" for "msn." Is that correct?
Thomas C
to Jordan
More options
Aug 17 (7 days ago)
Jordan, we're having a few problems too... what the hell is going on here? t
Jordan J
to me
More options
Aug 17 (7 days ago)
yes yes, looks just fine to me. thanks,jordan
Thomas C
to Jordan
More options
Aug 18 (6 days ago)
sorry about that cock-wound comment i left this morning. er, with the jesse thing, i am an idiot... i'd meant to say to get onto gmail chat, he needs gmail... his response made me fall out of my chair at cafe syriapreme. the earphones came out of the computer at the lamest time, blasting Bjork all over the place. hope you wicked. tom
Jordan J
to me
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Aug 18 (6 days ago)
where's the cock-wound comment? sounds juicy. I'm not sorry about the Bjork incident...I've always known you were a fan and desired to make fun of you for it, but what you described is a more appropriate and fatalistic event than I could have dreamed. You should fell shame. I like how this turned out with Jesse, as it further confused him and probably has him wanting a gmail account more than 30yo men want virgins.
to jesse j
More options
Aug 16
hihi, your frankenbrother wanted me to send you a quickie to help you get onto gmail. however, i think you might need a gmail account to be able to do that (like you need a hotmail account for msn).. hope that clears some of the problem up?
er, how are you?
tom
jesse j
to me
More options
Aug 17 (7 days ago)
Hi Tom, I don't think your e-mail made any sense at all. I am sitting here re-reading it and I think the more I read it the less sense it makes. However do to my supreme intelligence and intuition I think I have decided that I need a "gmail account" to get onto "gmail". Just like one would need a "hotmail account" for "msn." Is that correct?
Thomas C
to Jordan
More options
Aug 17 (7 days ago)
Jordan, we're having a few problems too... what the hell is going on here? t
Jordan J
to me
More options
Aug 17 (7 days ago)
yes yes, looks just fine to me. thanks,jordan
Thomas C
to Jordan
More options
Aug 18 (6 days ago)
sorry about that cock-wound comment i left this morning. er, with the jesse thing, i am an idiot... i'd meant to say to get onto gmail chat, he needs gmail... his response made me fall out of my chair at cafe syriapreme. the earphones came out of the computer at the lamest time, blasting Bjork all over the place. hope you wicked. tom
Jordan J
to me
More options
Aug 18 (6 days ago)
where's the cock-wound comment? sounds juicy. I'm not sorry about the Bjork incident...I've always known you were a fan and desired to make fun of you for it, but what you described is a more appropriate and fatalistic event than I could have dreamed. You should fell shame. I like how this turned out with Jesse, as it further confused him and probably has him wanting a gmail account more than 30yo men want virgins.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
one tequila, two tequilas, three tequilas, sore
oh man. today is the perfect time to say this, while i'm all crusty.
perhaps love is the greatest hoax of alltime. we'll do anything for it, absolutely anything: work at walmart, pay our taxes, quit smoking, not bite our nails, even get married. this is fucking crazy, if you think about it. we are being kept down by the worst addiction of all time. free yourself: kill love whereever you see it. killkillkill.
we are being manipulated! love doesn't exist. it's complete fabrication. we're all fucked. you are going to die. your mother is a slut. your precious thoughts are only cellular flatulation. jesus was taunted by centurians singing 'if you're happy and you know it...'. your personality is just a complication made by squirming maggots and love is the consensual lie. killing love is the humane thing to do. killkillkill. either kill it or enslave those who choose to believe in it and become a rich owner of souls.
doom, gloom and despair!!!
how'd i do? is it believable? i thought i came off a bit heavy on the 'killkill' bit... i'm working on it here, it'll soon be hatchet time for love's skinny little chicken neck.
oh man. today is the perfect time to say this, while i'm all crusty.
perhaps love is the greatest hoax of alltime. we'll do anything for it, absolutely anything: work at walmart, pay our taxes, quit smoking, not bite our nails, even get married. this is fucking crazy, if you think about it. we are being kept down by the worst addiction of all time. free yourself: kill love whereever you see it. killkillkill.
we are being manipulated! love doesn't exist. it's complete fabrication. we're all fucked. you are going to die. your mother is a slut. your precious thoughts are only cellular flatulation. jesus was taunted by centurians singing 'if you're happy and you know it...'. your personality is just a complication made by squirming maggots and love is the consensual lie. killing love is the humane thing to do. killkillkill. either kill it or enslave those who choose to believe in it and become a rich owner of souls.
doom, gloom and despair!!!
how'd i do? is it believable? i thought i came off a bit heavy on the 'killkill' bit... i'm working on it here, it'll soon be hatchet time for love's skinny little chicken neck.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
I Crave Event and so I Event Crave
steam-stream into the sim-stim.. find the pigpearls in the sty, i've gone crazy by invention. who holds the other ends of my nerves? this could be love, if there had been promise. time not a measure of distance, but of event. and all there is is there all and whispers. glasspanes made of windchimes. that wee headed cat is nonsense. i like green. i see myself seldom, and when i do i'm holding a weapon of crime. why are tears of salt? assault torn. but there's so much passive violence.. so much. it appears pared. separate: the sense. i'll dry myself soon, but only after you embrace me. my lover has done me violence.. my dear synaesthete, can you hear your music of form? can you not smell my thoughts? have you no paper towel for me? they say we must kill our idols, and surely we do. as we cannibalize our friends we are but metabolizing meat. a bicycle made for two. surely, if we eat each other we conquer the world? there is so much pith, and the juice that dribbles through the white is our dependence. there is so little fibre, so much matrix. who holds your banner above the field? where is YOUR warrior? love atrophies when misered, someone's poverty sucks on your marrow.. violence is her face; her smile her kindest wound.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Sunday, August 13, 2006
The Last Petal
Yesterday was Saturday. I woke myself up beatboxing. It appeared I had been beatboxing in my sleep! I leapt out of bed like I was Tom Cruise who'd just taken off his pants on a talkshow and ran to the coffee shop in barefeet. I felt AWESOME. awfully awesomely awesome, and I had no idea why!? Something cosmic restored, I thought. Or maybe I had rendered myself retarded the night before (as my apples and sunshine'd once sloganed to me: 'I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy'). Afterall, Greg and Brian had thrown a massive open-bar bender the night before, complete with a 24 of an energy drink known as RED RAVE (that's EVADER spelt backwards, minus an R and a murderous Milhouse). Oh right, that must've been it.. that crazy Russian engineered testicle-shrinker of a mixer. I must've had about 6 of that strange stuff (there is a disclaimer on the side of each. no more than 2 suggested). Then I invited the police into the party (they thankfully refused, but I just wanted their presence 'felt' by the noisemakers, so they'd comply that much quicker to the cops' pleasant requests), tried to get Val to punch me by punching her first, then had VERY earnest discussions with Carolyn and Charles, fought through the bouncers at Korova, went back to Brians for a bit more WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! and then carried on over to Chris and Jo's place with Laura S. (the perfect 3 with whom to end an evening, I do love that trio) and then had to leave as I was making too much noise trying to train cats to bark and shake paws (cats are idiots). And yesterday morning, it didn't want to quit. Steve was in the exact same WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! zone as me still, so we ate breakfast at Laika (named after the name of the Russian dog that was shot into space), kindly bought by Alicia and Eric as a thank-you to Steve and I. Laughed our asses right off and immediately went for a beer that turned into about a dozen. But when will it end? Those are far more than energy drinks, they are a freaking lifestyle and likely a burden on our judiciary system ('would the defendant kindly put his shirt back on?')WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Though, I did find out that something cosmic was also afoot...
Though, I did find out that something cosmic was also afoot...
Friday, August 11, 2006
shake the death rattle
see the snake bite necrosis
see the setting sun draw needles through paper thin skin
tight as a drum
that has been beaten empty
save for the scratchings of scarabs
the dusty desert acacia veins
scour the sky
and bristle against your thirst
with their spines
want not? waste
i am someone elses shoe
my death creeps from two weepy perforations
just above my heel
where the sand leaks out
hissing indifference
i am an impaled bird
and life is my injury
see the setting sun draw needles through paper thin skin
tight as a drum
that has been beaten empty
save for the scratchings of scarabs
the dusty desert acacia veins
scour the sky
and bristle against your thirst
with their spines
want not? waste
i am someone elses shoe
my death creeps from two weepy perforations
just above my heel
where the sand leaks out
hissing indifference
i am an impaled bird
and life is my injury
Thursday, August 10, 2006
UGLY (show don't tell)
"...the key to artistic and financial freedom is owning your masters." - Marion "Suge" Knight, Jr.
because we all have masters...
Me, Myself and I - De La Soul
Electric Relaxation - Tribe radio-edit omits these words... ass, poontang, and ho
Spaceman - Babylon Zoo
Fender Bender - Kid Koala
Medulla Release Bjork Interview with Canal + how sweet she seems
Play Dead - Bjork (this is all in lieu of knowing how to post music) ps. sorry about Harvey Keitel and all that is not Bjork
because we all have masters...
Me, Myself and I - De La Soul
Electric Relaxation - Tribe radio-edit omits these words... ass, poontang, and ho
Spaceman - Babylon Zoo
Fender Bender - Kid Koala
Medulla Release Bjork Interview with Canal + how sweet she seems
Play Dead - Bjork (this is all in lieu of knowing how to post music) ps. sorry about Harvey Keitel and all that is not Bjork
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
My friend Chris sent me this picture. It's entitled 'What Is The Point?' Crazily, Chris and I found out that we lived on the same wharf together in Victoria summer 2004. He was on the party boat.. I'd get up around 6.30 in the long shadowed mornings to go have a shower in the Shoal Point basement with pink handsoap (I was poor then too). Come back to clear the bottles off my topside and generally get ready for my floor installation job, and look over to see bikini girls still dancing on his roof. And kept looking, because they were after all girls in bikinis.
This is the view from the top of Shoal Point (which as a building, looks like a grounded cruise ship). My finger is the one in the middle with the tall ships and old paddlewheel (the SS Beaver) at the end.. my boat doesn't seem to be there.. (I saw it the following year donated to a Christian sailing charity organization). Chris's boat (small box, white roof) appears to be on the end of the finger to the right of the paddlewheel. He also worked on a tuna boat (probably out when this picture was taken) that harboured here too. I had the best time living here, collecting thoughts and tripping out to my own lonely self. This time here helped me realize that I was infatuated with the art of the story, and had been sharking around it for years without even being aware of the fact.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Shigeo Fukuda's 'Lunch With a Helmut On'
This site has recently become starkly applicable... Who like's a bald? Bush?
28 Days Later (Save the Males)... This Product Was Not Tested On Men...
Now I'm of the honest opinion that men have more amplified hormone cycles than society typically allows for. I've always felt particularly affected by full-moons, and everytime I hear someone refer to a full-moon they've seen 'a few days ago' I reflect back on how I was feeling... generally there's a correlation.. occurring in about a 5 day "spell" wherein I usually feel damned crabby or removed from my thoughts. Oddly it happens the five days before, ususally capitulating or relenting on the full-moon itself. The symptoms of this are: annoyingly hot ears, general irritatability, self-consciousness, bouts of nervous energy and lethargy, a furious need to eat (unusual for me) and a dissipative conscious stream. In short, I become very restless.
Ever since concealed estrus has hit humanity, there seems to me there's been a fuckload (ptp) of fascination put into 'figuring it out' and simulating fecundity. You know all about what I'm talking about. What an evolutionary marker that was, eh? How much of our current has been directed by that seemingly innocuous bioinnovation? Deep down though, waaaay down deep, we can still smell it. Like the bag of bagels stinking up our shoe-vestibule as I type (smells like poo), it's there and we've forgotten how to access it, like a vestigious scents-sense (ok, so it's nothing like a bag of bagels). The Japanese have a line of pheremonally prelaced underwear out there.. and they're marketed pretty much exclusively at men. Also, I read on the BBC that female mice actually prefer male mice with the scent of other females on them. Hormones baby, hormones.
So, I don't know what I can do about any of this really. I'd love to blow the whistle, open up the competitive market and then get my ass advertised back to me, but it's already there methinks, just without the methodological backing. Big bucks for anyone who can prove it so. Or maybe I should just move to the moon and spend my time in my moonbase burning incense and rubbing female mice against my body until I feel desirably smelly enough to return to Earth.
Ever since concealed estrus has hit humanity, there seems to me there's been a fuckload (ptp) of fascination put into 'figuring it out' and simulating fecundity. You know all about what I'm talking about. What an evolutionary marker that was, eh? How much of our current has been directed by that seemingly innocuous bioinnovation? Deep down though, waaaay down deep, we can still smell it. Like the bag of bagels stinking up our shoe-vestibule as I type (smells like poo), it's there and we've forgotten how to access it, like a vestigious scents-sense (ok, so it's nothing like a bag of bagels). The Japanese have a line of pheremonally prelaced underwear out there.. and they're marketed pretty much exclusively at men. Also, I read on the BBC that female mice actually prefer male mice with the scent of other females on them. Hormones baby, hormones.
So, I don't know what I can do about any of this really. I'd love to blow the whistle, open up the competitive market and then get my ass advertised back to me, but it's already there methinks, just without the methodological backing. Big bucks for anyone who can prove it so. Or maybe I should just move to the moon and spend my time in my moonbase burning incense and rubbing female mice against my body until I feel desirably smelly enough to return to Earth.
o o o o o o o o o o o o o
Aural grafiti from Miami...
- 'Do you boss me around because I am a girl? Or because I am an employee?' 'Exactly!'
- 'Flabia'
- 'Gary doesn't drink water. He says it gives him heartburn'
- 'Did you say you like nasty but don't like breast?' 'No, I said I like Nestea, but don't like Brisk.'
- 'I can make dragons out of pubic hair'
- Of my recent Lex Lutherization: 'That was a bald move'
Build it up; knock it down... shiv me with timbers
sowereturnedfromaweekendofreroofingacottage... there we ate like the ravenous and drank like Danish war heroes... if you've ever wondered what turbo-dynamite is, we were it: we deroofed and then reroofed an entire house in under 10 hours. though my personal and exhausted glory was not long to last. i came home to read a most distressing email that made me spontaneously shit out my heart. so i shaved my head (finally.. right down to the quick) and drank like i had a hole in my stomach and now i am physically raw as well. luckily, James'd come up on his bike and consoled and counseled my monday blue-hoos like the beacon of hope he is, but, as i'd conferred to him, even Superman would not be able to lift my spirits right now, unless he could fly me to SouthWestern Europe.
well, ain't that just fucking wonderful.......
a facsimile of a triumphant transmission from platoon-leader sergeant Charles follows:
Hello everyone I have not the words to tell you how impressed I was with the way all of you came together and helped us reroof in what seemed to be a perfectly effortless execution. Somehow, the planets lined up and 20 inexperienced roofers managed to dovetail their respective skillsets and show the world what it truly means to shingle a roof in a matter of hours. The fact that we were treated to such ideal weather and an abundance of time to enjoy it was a precious treat, and I delighted in
the opportunity to share it with each one of you benevolent friends. Please enjoy perusing this collection of just a few photos taken as a memento of the now-legendary weekend of roofing: www.le-guen.org I would also encourage you to forward the link on to anyone you feel might enjoy witnessing this pictorial record of our feats from "Roofing Day".(does anyone have Kiwi Chris and Jo's email addresses btw?)
With heartfelt thanks and much mirth,Charles
);
PS:I have decided that when Hollywood hears about Roofing Day and inevitably decides to make a blockbuster movie based onthe event, I would like the scriptwriter to have me (as played by Brad Pitt) deliver this speech to you all at the crack of dawn on The (now-legenday) Roofing Day:
"He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is named,
And rouse him at the name of "Roofing Day".
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is The Anniversary of The Day we
roofed like no others had ever roofed before.
'Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on "Roofing Day".
'Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with
advantages,
What feats he did that day.
Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words
---Be in their flowing cups freshly remembered.
This story shall the good man teach his son,
And The Anniversary of "Roofing Day" shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered
---We few, we happy few, we band of brothers (and sisters!);
For he to-day that roofs with me
Shall be my brother/sister; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in Montreal, Ottowa and the Laurentians now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That roofed with us upon "Roofing Day"."
Many many thanks;) - Charles
);
well, ain't that just fucking wonderful.......
a facsimile of a triumphant transmission from platoon-leader sergeant Charles follows:
Hello everyone I have not the words to tell you how impressed I was with the way all of you came together and helped us reroof in what seemed to be a perfectly effortless execution. Somehow, the planets lined up and 20 inexperienced roofers managed to dovetail their respective skillsets and show the world what it truly means to shingle a roof in a matter of hours. The fact that we were treated to such ideal weather and an abundance of time to enjoy it was a precious treat, and I delighted in
the opportunity to share it with each one of you benevolent friends. Please enjoy perusing this collection of just a few photos taken as a memento of the now-legendary weekend of roofing: www.le-guen.org I would also encourage you to forward the link on to anyone you feel might enjoy witnessing this pictorial record of our feats from "Roofing Day".(does anyone have Kiwi Chris and Jo's email addresses btw?)
With heartfelt thanks and much mirth,Charles
);
PS:I have decided that when Hollywood hears about Roofing Day and inevitably decides to make a blockbuster movie based onthe event, I would like the scriptwriter to have me (as played by Brad Pitt) deliver this speech to you all at the crack of dawn on The (now-legenday) Roofing Day:
-------------------------------------------
Roofing Day Dramatised Commencement Speech(with apologies to Billy Shakepeare): "He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is named,
And rouse him at the name of "Roofing Day".
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is The Anniversary of The Day we
roofed like no others had ever roofed before.
'Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on "Roofing Day".
'Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with
advantages,
What feats he did that day.
Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words
---Be in their flowing cups freshly remembered.
This story shall the good man teach his son,
And The Anniversary of "Roofing Day" shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered
---We few, we happy few, we band of brothers (and sisters!);
For he to-day that roofs with me
Shall be my brother/sister; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in Montreal, Ottowa and the Laurentians now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That roofed with us upon "Roofing Day"."
Many many thanks;) - Charles
);
Friday, August 04, 2006
Interpretation
[tempered edit: i know. i am an asshole.]
@ @ @
and on the happy, my new blogchum Mac has a wicked-fun video right now on the site she entitled www.disconnecther.blogspot.com
Thursday, August 03, 2006
'i was having a thomas when the wife walked in'?
and so i discover that my first name is synonymous with having a wank in cockney slang. as is Ann Frank: in usage... 'I'm off for an Ann Frank'. gosh, those irreverent eastenders, is nothing sacred to them? sullying the perfectly adequate and expressive word 'wank' like that... dispicable.
also found a pet-dating service (correction, several pet-dating services: http://www.datemypet.com/ or, for the UK, http://www.petdate.co.uk/ ). i don't really know what they're trying to facilitate here.. they ask you to register your bear or beaver, meercat or mongoose, or whatever... and then to register your human. what next? a terminal disease dating service ('i have three children and desperately need a boink').. closest i could find to that one was: Online Dating Service for People with STDs.. what a great/strange idea. isn't that a bit like joining an elephantitis Track & Field hurdling team? pink-eye intermural waterpolo confederacy? scabies wrestling circuit? sorry if i'm thomasing on a sore spot here...
one more. this site is oddly charming and'll likely settle many a late-night undergrad disagreement: Muppet Wiki is finally among us!
also found a pet-dating service (correction, several pet-dating services: http://www.datemypet.com/ or, for the UK, http://www.petdate.co.uk/ ). i don't really know what they're trying to facilitate here.. they ask you to register your bear or beaver, meercat or mongoose, or whatever... and then to register your human. what next? a terminal disease dating service ('i have three children and desperately need a boink').. closest i could find to that one was: Online Dating Service for People with STDs.. what a great/strange idea. isn't that a bit like joining an elephantitis Track & Field hurdling team? pink-eye intermural waterpolo confederacy? scabies wrestling circuit? sorry if i'm thomasing on a sore spot here...
one more. this site is oddly charming and'll likely settle many a late-night undergrad disagreement: Muppet Wiki is finally among us!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
how's your bum?
like a skydiving leper, i'm gonna have a bit of trouble holding this one together.
scrapbooooooook...
- ever think about how with typing there's an ambidextrous quality, as in there's finally an alliance between right and left? is typing some kind of analog corpus callosum? the hemispheres get to make sweet semiophysical love outside of one's noggin
'in life you get what you settle for' - my mum
- i went for a run today. jogged to the park, ran some hills and dryheaved next to some lallygagging park employees for 5 minutes. then it rained. big ploppy raindrops, with forceful wind behind them. so i took my shirt off and splatted off home making sure i went past as many restaurant windows as i could (l'academy etc.) because i had some chesthair i wanted to show the diners. afterall, wetheaves are more satisfying. especially when they're not yours.
- anyone care to guess what book/movie this is from? 'You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake'
...double points if you can spell the author's last name...
- aren't women just fascinating? i've been showering roughly 16 years (strictly baths before that) and i still cannot get my towel to stay on while wrapped around me. ladies have an uncanny knack of doing that, but i'm stumped. any clues?
- Isabel sent me a link to the 2006 Quebec Writing Competition yesterday, for any of you likeminded out there.
fuckthis, i'm of for a beer
scrapbooooooook...
- ever think about how with typing there's an ambidextrous quality, as in there's finally an alliance between right and left? is typing some kind of analog corpus callosum? the hemispheres get to make sweet semiophysical love outside of one's noggin
'in life you get what you settle for' - my mum
- i went for a run today. jogged to the park, ran some hills and dryheaved next to some lallygagging park employees for 5 minutes. then it rained. big ploppy raindrops, with forceful wind behind them. so i took my shirt off and splatted off home making sure i went past as many restaurant windows as i could (l'academy etc.) because i had some chesthair i wanted to show the diners. afterall, wetheaves are more satisfying. especially when they're not yours.
- anyone care to guess what book/movie this is from? 'You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake'
...double points if you can spell the author's last name...
- aren't women just fascinating? i've been showering roughly 16 years (strictly baths before that) and i still cannot get my towel to stay on while wrapped around me. ladies have an uncanny knack of doing that, but i'm stumped. any clues?
- Isabel sent me a link to the 2006 Quebec Writing Competition yesterday, for any of you likeminded out there.
fuckthis, i'm of for a beer
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