Monday, January 23, 2006
NUCLEAR holocaust will leave behind only a small cross-section of cultural items. IN terms of posterial worth, very few of them will depict a very flattering portrayal of our humanity. AMONG these unfortunate remnants, I figure, will be:
- Volvo stationwagons
- Barbara Streisand LPs
- My upstairs NEIGHbour
- Steve Harper's hairplugs (made up, as they are, of the crushed and reconstituted carapaces of cockroaches and other like members of the Conservative party)
- A few of the dinosaurs/-Stanis who hang out at PI (their nuclear immunity granted by their total obliviousness to outside occurances, such as sunshine and women)
- Windsor, Ontario
- Celine Dion's chin (it will go on)
- The Olsen Twins (though they'll have fused together to form a new variant of diabetes)
- A few stains I've had on my shirts since around the time I conspicuously didn't have my Bar Mitzvah
- This damned head-cold. My actual head, however, would be facejerky, with a pair of ceramic teeth sticking out. I hope they give Gilles Duceppe's roving eyeballs, which'll be wriggling around and scavanging on various flavours of carbonized-carrion, indigestion.
- Werther's Originals
Friday, January 20, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
if dancing is, if not liberating, then at least channeling, some form of liberty, AND robots are born into subjugation, where, under their very condition of being (or nomenclature), they are indentured to toil, then dancing robots is almost a cruel joke. there'd have to be some Asimovian robolution as a precursor. a 'Rob Marley' would have to croon about righteous freedom. robots would have to be freed, and the word 'robot' would be PCd to the brink of slander. because of their make-up, they could go anywhere they like. if i was an ex-robot, and wanted to dance, i'd head to Jupiter, for sure. not in it, because it's got a cloud structure so heavy it condenses hydrogen into metal. i think looking at it from above'd be better. some of the moons that circle it, like Ganymede or Callisto, probably have some killer views of the planet. that'd be great for everyone, as humans'd probably be afraid of their ex-slaves, and believe they were out to eat their children, or at least have a better relationship with them, and want them somewhere else altogether. so the robots'd have a toaster party at the halfway mark of the solarsystem. by invite only, i'm afraid. so if you find your vacuum cleaner or blender missing...
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Justine, Amy and I are looking for a roomate. So far, they've all been inappropriate matches. The last was a roly-poly Hungarian who freaked me out a bit. She didn't like us, or the room, or the fantastic house we live in. Glad she's gone. As Isabel asked, do we even want a roomate?
Sunday, January 08, 2006
You Know You're In Québec When...
- More experience is required to carve smoked-meat than to manage a bank (min. 3 years seems to be the posted norm).
- You have a signed head-shot of Burt Reynolds in the glove compartment of your mini-van.
- An ice-related accident seems reasonably certain to claim your life today.
- You know someone who keeps their TV on top of their microwave. The microwave might not have a door. The person probably uses the door as a dinner tray. This person is unaware that he is the saddest person you know.
- Your car was broken into for 3 cigarettes and a jar of pennies. Seperate incidents.
- Someone saying 'Hydro-Québec' uses the same amount of venom necessitated by the word 'Haliburton'.
- Your favourite Portuguese Rotisserie closes early to throw a disco-party.
- You've been solicited by a door-to-door meat salesman.
- Last year's phonebook is still in your stairwell.
- You think it's funny to start a list entitled You Know You're In Quebec When...
Please feel free to send me any you can think of, and I'll post them...
@ @ @
Isabel's Scarry Story:
When I was littler, I used to walk around biting my lower lip in quite a big way all the time. Now I have two little mini-bel tooth marks down there showing where the front ones clawed into my skin as I fell from a seesaw sometime long ago.While jumping on my parents' bed before nursery school, I also bit my tongue and bled for what seemed like hours but I don't see a scar from that. Not physical anyway. ;)
Friday, January 06, 2006
MY mum goes in for an operation in the next few weeks, so please call her, she'd love to hear from you.