Ok. I'm neither in gaol or goal. Thank you everyone for contacting me concerned, esp. regarding advice on how to throw a birthday party while incarcerated. Smuggling in silly-string is definitely a no-no then... esp. if in the inappropriate colour. I will also take the tooth-removal idea into serious consideration. I believe the method with which I will make myself indispensible will be by starting a line men's cosmetic products, 'Clam-Digger's Ochre? With that do-rag? Are you crazy?' As for goals... I postponed as many as plenty to plenty-five of them today, including not blogging. But allow me to explain: I needed to rebuff several implications that I make shit up all the time.
1) Gerbils on A Plane... Ok. So I did exaggerate the ferocity of the species: it was only a hamster.
2) I tripped Heath Ledger... It was more the fact that he stepped on my foot and stumbled. He was walking backwards through a gaggle of goggling gigglers (with enough collective ego to suck-start a bulldozer) shocked as he was that they were laughing. I am a sympathetic laugher (especially when the reason is absurd,) as is Heath, so he was laughing and curious as to what the gaggle was laughing about (his presence) so wheeled to face them, but continued walking in the original direction. There wasn't much space (we were at the Miami; Steve and I'd infiltrated the I'm Not There unofficial wrap party) and so he stepped on my foot and stumbled whilst I was asking him why the crowd were so tickled. He said he didn't know. I was too drunk to be incensed that he didn't apologize. Later we spoke briefly about CGI sheep in Brokeback. At that point, Heath had the craziest case of the pasties; that was the part that really made my night.
3) Erm, I'm sure I haven't lied a lot more than this... please contact me about other times I haven't lied...