Friday, June 16, 2006

SWAMPOSEXUAL




















Tired of the metrosexual shmooze image yet? Fey guys in ties with soft hands out-cooling you in front of the dames? Sculpted eyebrows? Dandied hair? Delicate affectations? Well, fuck them. Try 'swamposexuality'. Basically, you dig in mud a lot, tout unidentifiable lacerations and stain smears, trip over your toenails, talk to everybody you can, see hyperhidrosis for the artform it is, eat maybe once a day, climb tall stuff to roar down from, vote NDP and occasionally carry women off into the woods. Although, if you can get him, apparently Batman's up for some Swampcore too. Swampcore!

13 comments:

Eve said...

Um, maybe, but I wouldn't stop cutting the toenails. You don't want them to click on the floor, right? That's only cute in cats.

Sir Stevalot said...

The essence of Swampcore is Low Maintenance and Indifference. Swamp things ooze and slime across great woodlands and urban terrases, picking things off the ground and digging through garage sales or dumpsters depending on how swampcore you are. Bumcore is the cousin of swampcore except that the latter is more beast than man. Swampcore could mean riding wild dogs in green pastures or training yourself to eat wild flowers. Perhaps the ability to digest the bark off a tree would be swampy. Also to be truely swampcore....drooling, spitting, spilling and grunting must be mastered

pagno said...

sounds pretty cool. i don't dig the metrosexual gag. swamp things remind me of beowulf, only i wouldn't want to see you slain. or your mother.

eve said...

But wouldn't it be high maintenance to train yourself to eat bark? I mean, it really takes an effort to be that swampy...

eve said...

And another thing, swamp creatures are inherently swampy (drooly, spitty, etc.), but, although humans may possess some of those characteristics (like spilling for example), why try to be something you're not?

Just keep it real, man. Keep it real.

Lindz said...

I don't know...I think that Swampcore has more to do with reversion to earlier ape-like human life forms than it does to do with Low Maintenance and Indifference. That being said, if this is something that you aspire to, there are plenty of role models around. I should know...I have this uncanny ability to fall for the grunting, knuckle dragging, wild dog riding sort. They don't tend to ooze and drool so much - they are advanced enough to work a shower - but there is often a lot of scratching involved, and I think after a few beers or scotches they would be jump at the opportunity to eat some tree bark. I'd be pleased to conduct the introductions.

Sir Stevalot said...

The reason that low maintenance is central is that you always have a swamp to repower in. Swamps dont require any housecleaning. Also, things like hair cutting, shaving and clean clothes become luxuries. Also indifference comes from the fact that "whatever, i will just climb a tree" allows one to get away from the political bullshit that surrounds non-swampy things.

Lindz said...

Are you suggesting that climbing a tree is the swamp equivalent of sitting on the fence?? PS...plane ticket booked...will be in Mtl for labour day weekend...can we sit in CSL for awhile, and wander St. Denis, and hang out at the Bif?? I can't wait...I miss you all like mad!!

Sir Stevalot said...

LynsAaaay. Totally. Schedule clearded for swamp action on labour day. The Bif is quite swampy and CSL defines swamp.
and um...we'll take the swamp to st-denis

S'Mat said...

hooray lindz! we will indeed marshal a swamp!!

Jordong said...

Nicole and I are also booked to arrive on Saturday morning of Labour Day weekend at PET at 10:20am. Rumble in the Jungle. Nicole will be bringing Gus. Swampcore!

S'Mat said...

Gus is bringing Nicole? Funtastic. Can't wait to see you three.

pagno said...

don't know if anyone'll read this. i've practicaly travelled back in time here... but i too will be in montreal over labour day weekend to attend a wedding.

hello?



helloooo?