if i had a head made of wood (i estimate only a few more dedicated nights at the biftek), i'd carve out a bat-box. you'd have to speak quietly to me, or else i'd be forced to shoosh you, or spit an angry bat at you. "you remember what happened last time you yelled at me, Blinky got the runs and i oozed guano out of my nose for a half hour afterwards." i think i'd also have matching doorknobs for ears. that'd be nice.

this is just stupid, what am i saying? no-one respects people with doorknobs for ears. i have really little ears right now, so if i get any kind of ear-augmentation at all, i'd go for a pair of boobs. that'd be nicer. i'd probably get to about 7 or even 6 on the 'best Montreal weirdo' in next year's BOM. #7 Wood-headed, bat-filled, B-cups for ears guy.