Monday, July 30, 2007

as junk as a drudge - the mortal coil

So I was thinking today. And for some reason it was the phrase 'the lord only knows' and it made me think that really, the lord only knows what the lord only knows; and please note my judicial use of lower-case here, because then I came over with a queasy palpatation, as when I repeated the phrase, the capital L started encroaching a little.

I think that if we each truly had the capacity to judge our self we would have a workable moral system. But we can't, so instead we have to resort to some inherited ethical debate still rooted wholly in loose-jointed theology and revised animal-husbandry (read: religion as reframed pastoral institution). Join in. And since the democratization of the individual has - through all the corollary capitalist schemes riding pilot-fish - reduced us to base units of personality, the most pernicious of philosophical problems (for all our fleshy bits, we're the least corporeal of units).... we are at immediate and consistently imminent conflict with ourselves.

Because the individual is not fit to judge her or himself, almost by definition (how can consciousness see consciousness, cause what then does the seeing?), then each needs a judge (why is a judge needed?), but if noone is fit to judge themself, then who is fit enough to judge others? I'll be damned if I tackle THAT heavy-breathed subject here (perhaps literally), but I do kinda want to use the question to bounce off of radially.

I would like to review 2 posts ago... this guy's the limit... as that's really what all of the above is about, a postamble.

It was warped and reactive. Warped because it was based on a particular perspective, twisted by brooding doubts and the self-righteousness that they yield. Warped because of the emotion that bore the post into postage... a perspective that feels 'right' because of its experiencial power-mass. Warped because, well, there's no way to argue, because after all, that's how I felt.

Reactive as it was because I felt threatened. By others and then by myself. It was an induction of the pointy end of self-preservation. Not physical self-preservation, but worse... self self-preservation. This found readily in the post's tone of victimization. Which I guess makes this post rereactive. Because really, I know I have people in my life who have faith in me. Well they simply have faith and choose to have me in their lives. Who give me love and safe harbour. Who I respect and know respect me. Who sometimes I post for.

The 2 comments to that post I couldn't agree with more: i) that failure is a self-fulfilling prophecy ii) that thoughts are tangible (what in god's name are you blathering about? i'll string this all together right now...) and iii) that agreement is needed. And I totally agree! So much is self-fulfilling, the first-person is all prophecy... but if it weren't for other people would you ever know? Thoughts are tangible and tangibility is thought, but how would you know? How do you know when inspected doubts (life would be a waste without their dutiful inspection) begin forging what you see? And become being evident in your personality?

In lieu of being able to judge oneself, and with the corner-of-consciousness wherewithal of wondering if anyone else is fit to judge, and the sheer common sense not to go to the authorities about it... what do you do? You place yourself with people who will ride the tension of agreement/disagreement with you. Who check you and who ask you to check them. Who will assist you in judging yourself and need the same from you. And you gotta agree to let them... Ok, now I'm just muddying the spokes here.

This is all to say, I'm sorry. In This Guy's the Limit I was at the mercy of my own judgement, and emanated it as if I were origin. Onto others. It was the bluster of a hay-pitching hero. I leave it because it's been helpful, but really I'm quite ashamed. I was weak and I was weak.

To get back at the skirted Absolute, I do believe that if a common vision, perhaps one even quite small (like a meme or CNS viral parasite), were to infect the entire planet, then we'd be able to do it. And that's exactly what we're trying to do. And the lord only knows we've tried before. No, I think I can admit now that I believe its the ethical imperative that we do share vision. I don't think we'll be able to leave this planet before we do, and that would be the saddest thing in the world.

I'll probably retrace this post in a few days too.


Eve said...

Um, ok.

Well, to be honest, I've been reading some books lately that are different from my usual escapist fiction, and have sort of reconceptualized my worldview to a certain extent. (Cult membership, here I come! Just kidding.)

Actions don't necessarily define someone (I know this goes against what I've written/said in the past) to the extent that people make mistakes. I DO think however, that people are accountable for their actions. Let me try to think of a hypothetical example. (The hypothetical part presenting the difficulty here.) I can't, only experienctial ones I'll refrain from posting. Even if a person makes mistakes, you can't really rectify them, but you can show some cojones and own up. A person isn't necessarily defined by individual actions either, but if someone consistently is an asshole, then that is their essence, don't you think? If someone consistently acts in a self-serving manner that usually negatively impacts others close to them, doesn't that make said person a bad person? I don't know. My new thing is withholding judgment. As long as it doesn't affect me. Like the jerks who cross in front of an ambulance. What am I going to do? Hurl myself at them? Um, yeah, I'll stop now, before I make a point. You better reply, punk.

S'Mat said...

ok, i have a lot to say about it... and i will... but not now.
yours truly, punk.

S'Mat said...

um, i used to believe that suspending judgement was the way. now i see that a big old hoax... sorry to be so blase about the shoot-down here, but i feel that saying you suspend your judgement is akin to making a judgement about your judgements...

oh wait, you said witholding judgement... er... well, ok... if you think you can withold it, i must ask why you would want to? because of the futility you might feel about informing someone about their actions? hmmmm.

funny you mention this, i just made myself an axiom that goes... you can't suspend judgement, only diversify it...
clunky but true (for me) i think