Friday, March 09, 2007

10 Things About Me That Might Qualify Me as ODD...

I picked up a themememe from Heather of itsallgreytome... so, i'm game, but like removing a burr from a kilt, i may have to bare a bit more than my tweed here...
  1. One of the few NY resolutions that I've managed to triumph was refraining from showing others my earhair when drunk. For whatever reason, I was compelled to bring them in close for a thorough inspection. It's the cute kind of earhair, like kitten fluff or a yoda-ish mark of wisdom or that remarkable downy cilia that anorexics paste down with makeup for their prom. Since I've stopped trying to get others to marvel at it, it has actually disappeared. My conclusion: the cranium is no longer anorexic.
  2. I view Marmite as one of the greatest culinary pleasures to've ever graced ever. Plop it in a broth, and it'll give it edge. Slather it on toast, and nothing else'll do. It is my tub of ChocoChunkCookieDoughFudgePralineScalped-By-Sheer-Yumminess Ice Cream. Because of its NA stigma, I'm basically at the behind-the-dumpster level of indulgence. Marmite for the mighty! (Vegemite, however, is bootpolish. Kraft bought 'em out.)
  3. I find insects and arachnids completely enthralling. Roaches... fine. Silverfish... cool. Hornets, earwigs, tarantulas... all tolerable. However, I LOATH centipedes. They're vicious little aliens, and deserve to perish.
  4. BASE WARNING: One of the most satisfying pleasures I incurred last year emerged from one of the most embarrasing: One time, I was caught outside at 5am in the morning with the irrepressible urge to shit. Everyone's felt that compunction to function, so I allow myself only a modicum of shame relating this. I dropped my bags, and sprinted down a snow-encrusted alley, found a convenient stabilizer and dropped trou. FAST FORWARD. When the urgency abated, I was presented with the next obvious dilemma: fishing through my jacket, I came up with inadequate means until, like a golden chalice of poetic justice, out came a crumpled Telus Bill. The rest, as they say, is shitstory. HAHAHAHAHA. Telus: 47 - S'Mat!: roughly 3 (but heroically in one sitting).
  5. I raised myself on Techno, one of the most hotly debated forms of music there is. I would contend that it has been the gateway to all other forms of music that ever existed (for me). I taught myself to dance alone in my room with industrial, British New Wave and proto-Grrl bands, taking breaks only to smoke on my roof. But the Techno dominates all, and I actually sometimes experience symphonic and sublimely complex Techno melodies as I sleep.
  6. Recently, I experienced a strange and disturbing and uncontrollable psychic phenomenon of doing arts and crafts IN MY HEAD. The most prevalent one was this one I learnt in kindergarten: take two 6-inch diameter cardboard doughnut cutouts (the inner hole as wide as the band, so 2"), place them on top of each other and then wrap them with a thick gauge wool (multicoloured is best) through the hole and round the band. Continue until you cannot possibly get the wool through the hole anymore. Now, carefully, cut the wool around the circumference and separate the two cardboard doughnuts a smidgeon. And then tie a piece of wool orbitally, so the wool cinches in the middle of the doughnuts tightly. Now, remove the cardboard, you should have a wool ball, somewhat resembling a Fry-Guy or a cozy-looking sea-urchin. Now it is an important step to remonstrate yourself for producing the most useless A&C article ever. So, yes, in my head, I pumped these wool-balls out like I was somehow assisting the Japanese war effort. It got so bad, that I had to create a ricketty old cowboy (for some reason named Classy) to pull his six-shooters threateningly everytime my mind started wasting wool. One time he even hollered: "You'd better be dropping them there doughnuts or else I'll be filling you fuller've holes'n a 4-star hotel's jacuzzi". Somehow, it worked and I've since relinquished the wool.
  7. I miss being part of a choir more than any other gregarious activity. Though I miss acting almost as much.
  8. When I was young, I think I actually spoke dog before I spoke english. My best friend was our dog, Jackson, and we were inseparable. However, this meant that many people, adults, teachers, parents etc. considered me near-feral and maladjusted. This persists now as somewhat of a point of pride.
  9. I once held my breath for over 2 minutes. I've been electrocuted 3 times. I've bled from the head more than I know (I'd better check, even now). I've suffered a few concussions (but never told anybody). I used to pass out in the shower. I have excruciating hamstring cramps after I swim or dance. I was a breech baby, with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, and extricated by way of the section C. I LIKE hanging out at the chess cafe, Pi. All this points to some sort of persisting oxygen-deficient lifestyle and has made me terrified that I am brain damaged. Or just lazy (on a cellular level).
  10. I am currently deeply in love.

Ok. HARHARHAR, it's my turn to tag some fellow blogular globulars: Indiana, Sadia, Eve, Lindz and Sparky... who's down with ODD?


Joel said...

I feel slighted. I thought I got drunk with you on more than one occasion, yet have not marveled at the earhair at'all. Oddity is to be revered, I think. Perhaps the tenderest moment I have shared with a person involved their uttering "you are by far(rhymes, nice)the oddest person I have ever met," in a setting somewhat intimate.
Joel (I just recently caught wind of your blog, by way of Becky) anywho, take care

JakeJakob said...

I was also born with the cord wrapped around my neck. An incompetent midwife apparently left it wrapped for a couple of minutes until my aunt saved me.

I really could have used those extra 20 IQ points.

Me: The Sequel said...

I too was a breech baby. Impatient even then, I decided, just like that, to make my entry into the world early during one of the biggest blizzards of that decade.

By the way, I am sending you the bill for my damaged keyboard. I spurted liquid all over it in a guffaw reading your delightful account of The Impromptu Shit. When i got to #10 I was so sad it was the end... you must tell us more... :)

S'Mat said...

hello joel! oh happy day!! i've been trying to conjure up your email from my CNS recesses for ages (got as far as 'xanadu'... and then there's little but brain static. am i close?). how are you mate? does bex have your email? last I went looking for you, I was told you've moved from cook to the club canoe... my email's skullrhythmATyahooDOTcoDOTuk (learnt about launching my full email willynilly into the void the spamtastic way...)
i'd love to catch up proper. hope you're well. t

H said...

S'Mat, I think this is hands down, the best top ten list of anything I've ever read.