Sunday, November 12, 2006

2am, Sunday 12th November: S'Mat is born

sleep reprivation'll leave you in some funny places. falling asleep to Lawrence Durrell falling asleep in Justine's arms at 8, i wake up in my face-puddled pillow at 12.30, on the ever-hyped saturday night. loneliness had crept in and was perched at the foot of the bed frowning bemusedly down at me, so i sent my head inwards to pick up my spirits. follows is my odd bedfellow. the numerals, pointless attention to thought threads.
1. 'pointless' is a funny word, especially when it's spelled 'poontless'
1. i never used to like Thomas as a name, it befits an adult, but not a boy (and Tom, I find, pisses me off now some as an adult, so i've tried to revert to Thomas, but there's some missing dude-factor in it that i'm strangely needing to perpetually reinforce). after some contemplation with the A&S, i'm assuming S'Mat (inspired somewhat by Jo and Chris's cat matdamon and my groaner of a middle name, Matthew) as the name of my blogging persona.
2. i quite like it: S'Mat! it's almost dirty, almost onoS'Matopoeic and utterly stupid. it conjures up a mild reference to those fantasy-novel protagonists that contrived second-rate authors suffer the reader with: S'Mat confronted the brooding menses-wyvern hidden deep in the cleft. All that was visible was it's meanness. He scratched at his very manly jaw and weighed his crystal vorpal sword while thinking to himself: 'How would be the best way to slay this icky bugger without my heroic balls getting in the way?' Naturally, he was hearkening back to his slight misapplication of force at the now ill-famed Troll Book-Club and Spoken Word Gathering Massacre of 1133. He winced. It was a very manly wince.
3. you can tell that this author is second-rate because in reality no self-respecting barbarian warrior would bring a crystal sword to a decent wyvern routing. also, it appears that it has not occured to the author that this is nowt more than a none-too-veiled sexual allegory.
1. i've been thinking of getting some fish for a while because they're way better 'please-don't-dies' than stick-insects. their names will be Romiette and Juleo and they'll be feathered blackmoors, which are like the visible minority of fish. please refer to the below post to see how I apparently feel about visible minorities.
2. because fish cost money, I've been thinking of creating a virtual fishtank to help forego the financial and emotional but mostly financial pain of having them die. They'll also be easier to neglect this way, because that's apparantly the trend with fish.
3. i hope that pet-store hires me. despite what it may seem like here, I'm good with animals and I'll be able to inform them closely about the pets they are purchasing.
4. my experience with animals: 3 dogs (+ another 3 on loan), 2 cats (+2 on loan), 4 ferrets, 1 tortoise, maybe a dozen fish, a bushel of stick-insects, 1 iguana, 200g of blue-cheese, 2 turtles (on loan), one wormery, 2 budgies (on loan), 2 gerbils, 3 bare-assed mice (don't ask), 1 hamster (on loan), 2 injured pigeons and 1 sparrow and 1 red cardinal fledgling (sleep-overs), a handful of Australian friends and once I stroked a chinchilla.
1. Jesus, I desperately need a job.

4 comments:

H said...

S'Mat, I think Thomas is a great name. I'm sure your soon-to-be fish will think so too.

S'Mat said...

Thanks Heather. It was a manic moment, I'll likely have my Thomas reformation in a couple days...

pagno said...

i love the virtual fishtank idea. i might get one too. hope you don't mind. i was thinking that if you were thinking you might neglect the fish every now and again, you might want to get some virtual newts. they'll help keep the tank clean.

Eve said...

[nervous laughter]

Scooping the dead fish from the tank is character building.

Plus they're cheap. Come on! It'll help you to become responsible for living things.