Wednesday, April 23, 2008

mass perturbation

"Jack off all trades, mastur... oh, fuckget it"

I am wondering what it is that brings me back to this site. I've definitely missed being a contributing member, missed the reading of others' blogs, missed the piercing clarity that typing a few words here and there brings to my day-to-day mental opacity. But mostly I've missed the puns. The blog has this marvelous way of feeling like you can refine your own little pocket of reality, and that all consent is tacitly granted by its accessability. You can create this -cosm of the absurd, populate it with the demented, and then somehow use that to counterpoint REAL life. A blog's like a jester to the king. Otherwise, what is it? A failed attempt at a 1:1 ratio of your feelings and all of its dust-motes? The throbbing forehead vein of vermicular emotion? One of the websites you return to in order to reinforce and revalidate what you already know? A performance-art of self-revelation? Very very, I'd say.

Montreal's got me down these 6 months passed. Like some sort of mental inversion, wherein I strengthen the same neural pathways just by walking the same streets. I've felt a victim of perfidy, of self-sabotage, of my own emotional reactivity (obscuring my lassitude and resignation). No specifity needed: I don't want to be trapped by myself any longer. I'm sure we all feel that way (hence the perception of perfidy). So I don't believe in comfortable change anymore (linked to and confused by the implicit human tendency toward self-destructive behaviour). Nor do I believe that we have to 'understand' everything anymore either, at least, not in order to make a decision.

I definitely want to stay firmly within the mists of mystery. Just a really really mysterious mystery. One that helps me forgo my cognitive prejudices and brings me back to the details.





Oh yeah, and boobcheese, prostatic analglyphs and bumbarnacles, just to meet the day's rude-word quota. Let's get real, we both come here for that.

6 comments:

Graham Thomas said...

Welcome back tom. I discovered two days ago that blogspot has been unblocked here and was disappointed to read that you'd hung up the two-tone towel.
I guess I'm the first to have noticed your re-entry into cyberspace.

Джосина Ксения said...

"I don't want to be trapped by myself any longer."
I totally know what you're talking about. This got me into religious studies for awhile, but then I realized that I wasn't going to be a levitating yogi or telepathic monk.

ah yes, and welcome back.

Anonymous said...

the return of a master and his battery of puns...looking forward to the first wink.

roger

Jordan said...

yeah!

S'Mat said...

Hello everybody...
G-had: Thanks for noticing. I was Shanghaied by technology there too. Miss you.

Jos.: Welcome back to welcoming back. I'm pretty sure you're telepathic already. Am coming for a website-visit after this comment.

Roger(ing Me?): Jeez!

Jordan: To each their own baby, eh? Well, this place is more like a Tomagachi than an 11 pound mini-me, but it produces as much fecal matter.

Mood Indigo said...

you will always crack me up. It kills me how we stress ourselves out by our personal blogs. Let it just be a place of freedom - no rules, no regulations, no genre - just a place for you, and for all of us, to enjoy you as well.